There is for a reason the ‘big fat Indian wedding’ is called so – the scale of decoration, food, guest list, rituals, involvement of relatives is phenomenal. For the young and the restless, it is an opportunity to dress up and shake a leg. But social faux pas are common. To help you put your best foot forward, Times NIE has drawn up an elaborate Wedding Etiquette Rulebook. Read on..

Do I need to be on time?

Well, no one expects you to reach before the bride or groom. It also depends on how close you are to the host’s family. If it’s an extended family member’s wedding party, reach before the ceremony begins. If it’s an acquaintance, you can take it easy and reach by dinner time. However, don’t be very late, and reach at a respectable time and not when people are packing up. 

What do I wear? 

A beach wedding will require a different kind of outfit and footwear than what is needed in a temple one. Dress according to the venue. High heels in outdoor weddings can be a problem. A traditional outfit is a fail-safe. Deal breaker: don’t show up in ripped jeans and casual tops – it’s considered disrespectful. 

Where should I plonk myself?

Be mindful while choosing a place to sit in front of the ceremony venue. The first two rows are usually meant for parents and close relatives. Unless you’re one of them, look to the ushers or your parents for guidance.

Is it okay to take pics and post them right away?

It’s a special day for the couple getting married and it is likely that they want to be the first ones to post their ‘best pictures’ on their social media handles. So, check with the bride and groom (many have their own wedding websites) what they prefer – some won’t mind and others will be particular about it. And don’t get in the way of the professional photographer, who needs his space to take memorable shots. 

Can I enter the bridal suite?

The bridal room where the bride gets ready for her D-day is off-limits. If the door says Do Not Disturb, respect it. But even if it’s not there, it is bad manners to peep in. Girls, understandably, are curious about what the bride is wearing – wait for her altar debut. 

Do I interact with other guests?

Do not be the sulky teen spending time alone in a corner. Mingle with friends, cousins, and guests, and smile. Also, don’t hesitate to hit the dance floor if being requested to do so. A high-adrenaline wedding may not be your scene but you can try and give a happy vibe. 

Do I congratulate the couple? 

Of course. In India, usually elders wish the couple, while youngsters are doing their own thing or mumble something incoherent. However, courtesy demands a sincere wish – even if you haven’t met the couple before.

Do I have to be mindful of the couple’s cultural traditions?  

Wedding and rituals go hand-in-hand. Depending on how particular the family of the bride/groom are, be respectful of their traditional customs. For instance, if you are attending a gurudwara wedding, carry a dupatta or a hanky to cover your head. Different communities have their own rules – follow them on the day. 

Do I need to chip in to keep the venue clean? 

Most wedding venues are rented hotels, farmhouses, etc. So, keeping it clean is basic courtesy. Keep in mind that any damage to the property, including crockery and décor, is paid by the host’s family. 

THE DESI WEDDING FOUR POINT PLAN 

Now, weddings are not a difficult egg to crack. Usually if you follow the same code of conduct as with any fancy party, you are good to go. But unlike house parties, your conduct has to be a little more formal. Interestingly, in the western cultures inviting kids to a weddings is not a given. In fact, only kids in the family get the invited. As a child, weddings can feel like a smorgasbord of senses but take note of these last few points...   

1. Don’t hog the seats: In the west, wedding seating is planned with military precision. Kids usually get seated at one table. But in India, not all weddings are sit-down affairs. Don’t hog seats and offer your seat to an older person. Once, you are done with the eating, vacate your seat for the next party. Also, if the party has a dancing stage, don’t crowd it.     

2. Help out: If you are close to the bride/groom be around for small chores that need to be carried out on the wedding day. Like fetching water or holding bouquets or wedding thalis, if asked. 

3. Don’t binge: A free chaat or ice-cream counter is not an invitation to an all-you-can-eat buffet. Don’t hog needlessly – it’s bad manners and attracts negative comments from guests. 

4. Don’t run around: A wedding venue is huge. But that doesn’t mean its your personal playground. Be respectful of the ceremony. You can enjoy without creating a ruckus.