If you blow your nose publicly, drag your feet while walking, insult friends on social media or leave your phone unattended, this feature is designed to make sure you become civilised.Kumar Saurav spends time with etiquette expert Sunaiinaa A Hak to pick up the finer points of decorum and finds out what constitutes good behaviour
You answer questions posed to other people
Some people want to be a part of every conversation... LIKE EVERY CONVERSATION. It’s intruding, annoying and unwanted. You should respect people’s privacy. You may have your own point of view but guess what, people really can do without your expert comments.
Sunaiinaa says: Answering questions posed to others breaks the most essential rule of communication, i.e., being a good listener and giving others a chance to speak. Not only do you communicate dominance by interfering in other people's conversation but also disrespect the person for whom the question was intended. Interference implies that this person is not capable of answering questions posed to him. See, if people want you to be a part of some conversation, they will do it; you don't have to behave like 'I know it all' people.
You never pay when you go out with friends
Life is practically incomplete without that one person in your life who simply refuses to foot the bill, or always carries a Rs.500 note, and says, “I don’t have the change, can you pay?” Such people are a burden on your wallet and don’t deserve your company. And trust us, people are not so low on IQ that they will not notice this habit. Always pay! Always!
Sunaiinaa says: By doing this, you not only come across as a miser, but also an opportunist, who wants to have all the fun on others’ accounts. Chances are your friends will stop taking you out with them. The best way to avoid this is to ‘go dutch’, so that no one spends more or less.
You insult your friends On social media
Someone has to be really sick to do something like this! Making fun of someone in a disrespectful way on social media not just amounts to cyber bullying but it's also insensitive, uncalled-for and painful. It's like you being called on the stage of the school auditorium, and everyone in the school is given the freedom to make fun of your bad taste in fashion, poor grades or even dirty shoes. Understand this: Confidence is a fragile trait and it can shatter into a million pieces with a small comment or act that is insensitive, sarcastic or harsh.
Sunaiinaa says: This is worse than insulting people in person. There is nothing that is private on social media. They say ‘if you can’t say it, don’t write it’. So, folks get this — you are not only insulting your friends publicly — you are also giving a written proof against yourself.
You Don’t open the door for a lady
Team NIE was recently bitten by this etiquette bug, and it pinched us so hard that we decided to spin this feature. One fine day, one of the ladies in the team, held the door for 15 men as they tried to enter the premises. And not one of them bothered to let the lady pass first. Agreed, that feminists say that a man opening the door for the lady is ‘benevolent sexism’ (yes, it’s a term), but we suggest that the old-world rule stays.
Sunaiinaa says: The rules have changed regarding this at work. Everywhere it is becoming a gender-neutral environment. So, whoever is there first can open or hold the door for you. However, if on a date, do open the door to impress the girl.
Points to note:
- If you reach the door before her, just open it, and hold it for her.
- If you reach at the same time, and she opens the door for herself, let her do that. You can help her to pull the door open further.
- If she doesn’t want you to open the door for you, it’s okay. Don’t stress, dude.
You walk indoors wearing sunglasses
You think it's a cool thing to do a la film stars who sport them anywhere and everywhere. However, regular people can do without this ‘diva-stud attitude’. Honestly, when you walk into an office (or any other place with similar levels of formality) wearing dark sunglasses, it looks like you are coming straight from a funeral. Wearing sunglasses indoors was considered urbane in 80s, but prudent people in successive decades were sensible enough to label this mannerism as utterly stupid. The rule is that you should not wear sunglasses for more than 30 seconds after you have entered the premises. And just in case you are way too inspired by actors who get away with this, go become one!
Sunaiinaa says: Wearing sunglasses indoors signifies two things, one that you are hiding something, and second, you don’t respect people around you, which can also be interpreted as throwing an attitude. Just like one needs to remove caps or hats when indoors, the same rule applies to sunglasses. Also, placing your sunglasses on the head is not removing them. They need to go off you.
You offer a handshake with wet hands
If you want to ruin your first impression, just handshake with wet hands. And trust us, it’s tough to forget a bad handshake. If your hands are wet or sweaty, just tell the other person about it! It’s alright.
Sunaiinaa says: Basic rule of a handshake is that you don’t pass the chill to others, which means even if your hands are cold you don’t shake that hand. So, shaking a wet hand is completely out of the question. It is a very unhygienic thing to do. If you have sweaty palms you can keep a handkerchief with you to wipe away the grease. If your hands are wet you can explain by saying “ I apologise, allow me to wipe my hands” and then extend the hand.
How to handshake the right way:
- Shake during the introduction.
- Give a firm handshake. But no bone crushing handshake to ladies.
- Shake the hand, not just the fingers.
- Shake with one hand, not two.
- Stand for a handshake.
- Oversized rings can trigger pain, so if you are wearing it in your right hand finger, be careful while offering a handshake.
Your mobile ringtone is loud, and you leave your phone unattended at the desk
A lot of people do it thinking that their ringtone is some sort of live-in concert! People around you might not think the same because a loud ringtone is an instant dose of irritation, especially at office and such other places that require formal manners. In the early years of the last decade, when mobile phones were venturing into our lives, it was considered a 'thing' if your phone could chirp out a different sounding tune, but now that we are used to all kinds of cell phones (and also kind of done with smartphones), it's a pretty lame thing to leave your phone unattended for the world to die under the sound of your cranky ring tone. Just spare humanity. We already have a lot of real-world problems to deal with.
Sunaiinaa says: Don’t leave your phone unattended, both to prevent theft and out of courtesy for people around you. A vibrating phone on a desk can be just as disruptive as a ringing phone. This may also lead to phono-bombing, which means that people can take selfies on your phone which might not be very pleasant, and blame you for it.
You burrp like a whale
There are numerous ways to praise the person who has cooked the food; you don't have to be this vocal. ROFL! We, Indians, are so habituated to burping in public (especially while eating) that we don't even realise it goes against the rules of basic etiquette. The only people who can get away with really loud burps are babies. For everyone else, it's a crime. Same goes for farting. Remember, some ‘nature sounds’ are best unheard.
Sunaiinaa says: One should make this as discreet as possible. Keep those lips closed, make a fist with your left hand if you are right-handed and burp in the fist turning your head towards your shoulder. Follow it with a ‘pardon me’. There is no need to make a burp obvious and make others smell what you ate by burping out loud.
You blow your nose in public
We know, it’s a free world, and everyone has the right to do whatever they want to. However, some people take this freedom a bit too far. For example, they will poke their nose all the time as if they are trying to excavate a hidden treasure. They will even randomly blow their nose. Ewww...it is akin to torture!
Sunaiinaa says: This is as bad as spitting in public. One should not perform any self-cleaning activities in public, whether it is cleaning or scratching the inside of your ears or blowing your nose in public. It is very disturbing for people around you. Remember, some things are meant to be done only in the washroom.
You keep your hands in the pocket while talking to people
What are you? GOD? If yes, then please continue with this. You can even stand on people’s head and talk. Well, if you are not ‘the’ god, then don’t talk to people with your hands in the pocket.
Sunaiinaa says: It signifies bad body language and comes across as a closed gesture. When we talk to someone we always want to come across as open to the other person’s opinions, suggestions, etc. This behaviour indicates that you are either shying away from something or hiding something. It may also be understood as lack of confidence as you don’t know what to do with your hands. So, unless you deliberately want to communicate a closed gesture (ideally don’t), keep your hand by your side or in front of you while talking.
You drag your feet while walking
Only zombies are allowed to drag their feet while walking! Everyone else should pick up their feet and walk properly. No one (including those who drag their feet) likes to hear the sound of your sole massaging the floor.
Sunaiinaa says: Dragging your feet and walking is a clear sign of lack of confidence or plain disinterest towards the place where you are. Many people don't realise it is an etiquette problem, and that's why they don't correct it. Sometimes, it is also considered as childish. So, if you want to be taken seriously and come across as a confident individual, always walk heel to toe (irrespective of wearing high heels or flats).
How to walk properly:
- Glide smoothly
- Walk straight
- Your chin should be parallel to the ground
- Your feet should be pointing straight
- Don’t over-swing your arms
- Don’t hunch