We are under the influence of the unforgiving ego. It demands an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth. The ego does not want to forgive. In the measure in which we are released from the tentacles of ego, in that measure we grow in the quality of forgiveness.
It is a sad fact of life that if someone hurls at us one harsh word or a single insult, we return 10 harsh words for one and multiple insults in retaliation. We snub and put down people effortlessly with acid remarks and sharp phrases. We actually feel proud and triumphant when our harsh words slice and hurt the other person. But this triumph turns to ash in no time. How can we love ourselves for being harsh and abusive? If we wish to be at peace within and outside, we should refrain from retaliation; we should return silence instead of trading insults. We lose our own inner peace when we hit back at others; we triumph over our own base emotions when we remain silent.
Hakim Lukman has given a wonderful prescription for health and happiness: Kam khao, gam khao — eat less, and overcome your anger.
By remaining silent we are enhancing our inner store of positive energy. By lashing out, we only unleash negative energies within us. Ego clashes are everyday occurrences in our lives. We play the blame game, holding all others responsible for our mistakes. We pass the blame on to others. The blame game is played mostly in self-defence. Often, we become extra nasty in order to teach the other person a ‘lesson’. We retaliate and consider it as our strength. The fact is that winning the blame game puts us on what is called an ego trip. The blame game is indeed a no-win situation, for the problem is not solved, or even understood. Everyone is only interested in
passing the buck; no one wants to find a way out of the difficulty.
Friends! Each one of us is responsible for our own actions; we are accountable for all that happens to us. As Krishna tells us in the Gita, man can be his own best friend, or his own worst enemy. Our own actions are responsible for the reactions of others. When we harbour evil thoughts towards others, the same negative energy reverts and hits us. By retaliating, or deliberately insulting someone, we sow the seeds for the reactions of others. It is the universal law of nature that whatever you send out comes back to you. If you send out negative energy, it reverts to you like an echo sooner rather than later.
One day a man went to the Buddha and said, “You have destroyed the essence of our religion. You are an atheist. What do you think of yourself? Are you hankering after power and status?
You are a betrayer of your faith and you call yourself a sadhu? I have nothing but contempt for you!”
Gautama Buddha heard him out patiently. At last he smiled and said, “Dear brother, if someone gives you a gift and you refuse to accept it, then to whom will the gift belong?”
The man replied with a sneer of contempt, “It is just like you to ask such a foolish question. The gift will of course belong to the man who brought it in the first place.” Gautama Buddha smiled and said, “In that case, the heap of abuses that you have brought for me must remain with you. For I choose not to accept them.” Hearing this, the man was stunned into silence.
We must learn to forgive and forget. Each outburst of anger is like the eruption of a volcano, and the words we utter in anger are like the hot lava that flows from the burning volcano, destroying every living thing in its way. By not forgiving others we are only harming ourselves.
It is natural for many of us to react with anger when someone has wronged us. We may even say, “How can I ever forgive what this person has done to me?” My suggestion is to set yourself — your ego — aside and allow God’s forgiveness to flow through you. Forgive for His sake. Let His forgiveness flow through you.
When you allow yourself to become the instrument of God’s love and forgiveness, your inner life is transformed. Your heart softens and is cleansed of all the negative emotions you harboured earlier. There is a tremendous sense of release, as you are freed from the destructive effects of anger, hatred, resentment and bitterness.
If you want to experience the all-pervading peace that poets speak of, there is one discipline that you must practise in your life: refrain from retaliation. Even if someone insults you or humiliates you, do not retaliate in anger. Just by bringing someone down, you cannot raise yourself up.